And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
