I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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