I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
