we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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