Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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