We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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