i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
