hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
is it fun? or sober?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
