i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
