My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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