if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
