i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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