Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
