i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
