you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
