Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize