I wish they made helmets for livers.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
