yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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