Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It's just like the Real World with babies
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
