i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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