Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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