I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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