just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
