I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
