One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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