Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
