I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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