look no pants
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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