My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
