and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You are the jesus of drinking
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
