I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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