maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
