you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
