my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
