i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize