I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
