I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
