She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
