Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Fuck appropriateness.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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