i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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