Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
