I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize