Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
