My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
