Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize