your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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