Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
