just come out here and I will go home with you...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
