I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
