If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
