tell your sister to shave her snatch
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
