My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
