I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
