I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
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