I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize