Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
