Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
