I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
