they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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