You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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