P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
