If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
