Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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