there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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