Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
