just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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