So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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