Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
