No period for spring break; use this wisely.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
