"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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