My friends, they love my intelligence
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
