you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
