We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
