Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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