Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Can you bring me the toilet please
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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