no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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