hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
